A Little Time Away

As everyone knows, this week was Thanksgiving which means that I got to go home! Not that I don't get to go home, I do only live 45 minutes away, but I got to go home. I got to sleep in my own bed, eat food that I didn't have to cook (or buy), and RELAX!

But what was really nice about this holiday was getting away from everything for a little bit. From school, from work, from life... To get back to being my mommy's baby girl. I can't live my life like that, I know that, nor would I want too. I enjoy my independence, and my free will. There are times when I do wish that every decision could be made for me, that my words were scripted, that at the end of the day all the loose ends were tied up and if there wasn't a happy ending, at least there was an ending. The mistakes that I made could be forgotten, by me and by everyone.

Life isn't a book, or a movie. There aren't nice, tidy, packaged endings. As tiring as that may be, it's nice too. I have control over my own life... I don't need to be caught in a tower for years waiting for a "prince" to come, or to return my lost dancing shoe. At least I do have decisions and choices, I'm not stuck living a life someone else decided I should live. When I make mistakes, at least it was because I was trying to live my life--I might regret them, and I might remember them and blush for the rest of my life, but they make me who I am. And it's nice to know that it is my decisions that create me.

It was also nice to NOT have to think about things. Socializing (or the lack of socializing that I do ;) ), boys, school work, grades, bosses, customers, brain meltdown! This weekend has caused my brain to slowly harden into a solid mass again. Thank heavens! Now all I need to do is get through two more weeks of classes, and a week of tests and then there is CHRISTMAS!! And another week at home before working again.

Yay!

Love you all!

Time to Get to Know Me!

This is actually a "tagging" thing, but I wanted to post and didn't know what to post about, so I saw this and it looked like fun!

5 things I was doing 10 years ago (I feel young thinking about this...)
1. Tap and Ballet
2. Hating piano (but that changed!)
3. Playing Dorothy in the school production of Wizard of Oz
4. Learning U.S. history
5. Getting my own room!

5 things on my to-do list
1. Buy food
2. Take my Italian test
3. Find a ride home from Trax for Thanksgiving
4. Write in my journal
5. Balance my checkbook

5 snacks I enjoy
1. Popcorn
2. French fries
3. ice cream
4. chocolate
5. cookies

5 things I would do if I was a millionaire
1. Not worry about how I'm going to get through school...
2. start an arts camp for underprivileged kids
3. buy a car
4. buy a new computer
5. do everything on my "things to do before I die" list

5 places I've lived
1. Riverton, UT
2. Herriman, UT
3. Provo, UT
4. London, England, UK
5. I can only think of four... sad day!

5 jobs I've had
1. Supervisor at CONE
2. Cashier at CONE
3. Teacher at Sugarbear Academy, LLC
4. Closer at Sugarbear Academy, LLC
5. babysitter

4 things I'm passionate about
1. Jonas Brothers! haha
2. ELANG!
3. Pride and Prejudice (I'm kind of a snob when it comes to P and P)
4. Josh Groban (I will marry him some day... if not, I'll settle for Kevin Jonas :D )

4 things I say often
1. "Sad day!"
2. "Che?"
3. "Sorry!" (soary)
4. "Babe/Love"

4 things I want to do before I die (Only FOUR?)
1. See the Seven Wonders of the Worlds
2. be a stunt driver
3. Record an album (and have someone other than my fam buy it)
4. Have a family

4 things I want/need
1. A BREAK!!!
2. A haircut
3. new clothes/shoes
4. I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody, with somebody who loves me!

4 places I want to see/visit
1. Italy
2. New York
3. India
4. South Africa

4 TV shows I've enjoyed in the past 3 years
1. NCIS
2. Numbers
3. America's Next Top Model
4. Hannah Montana (or Drake and Josh, take your pick)

6 things you don't know about me
1. Everything that I'm "good at" I have had to work really hard to get that way
2. I think I would love being a singer and sharing music with the world
3. I appreciate every type of music, but that doesn't mean I like it
4. I enjoy completely mindless movies, simply for the fact that they are mindless
5. I purposely find things to make me cry, because there are times when I just need to let everything out and it's easier to do it about a song, book, or movie, then it is for things that are real
6. I absolutely LOVE Disney movies, Disney Channel, and Disney pop

"Someone Always Comes"

So, this is an explanation for the previous post about the book "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane" by Kate DiCamillo. My wonderfully wise mother gave me this book in 2006, during a heartbreaking time in my life. She told me that everyone said to read it with a box of tissues. This turned out to be true.

I read this book once or twice a year, when things start to get hard. I was reading it the other night, and my roommate came in while I was crying (not something odd for me, I'm a genuine crybaby), and asked me what was up. So I proceeded to tell her the story and I couldn't even get through that without choking on my words and bawling. What makes this book so wonderful is that Edward, a little China rabbit, learns how to love, but everyone that he loves is taken away from him. He finally gets to the point where he says that he will never love again, but he comes across a doll who is over one hundred years old. This doll tells him that he shouldn't give up because someone always comes and love is worth it.

The coda is beautifully written, but doesn't quite give the same emotion. The fall after I received this book, Josh Groban's song "Don't Give Up (You are Loved)" came out. It is the same message, and the two will always go together for me. At I time when I was thinking that I would never love, or be loved, again, I was given these reminders that everything will be fine.

And whenever I need a reminder that I shouldn't give up on love (even though Cecily frequently tells me not too) I read this book and I cry my eyes out, and I feel a little more hopeful at the end.

I love you all. Don't ever forget.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane: Coda

by Kate DiCamillo

Once, there was a China rabbit who was loved by a little girl. The rabbit went on an ocean journey and fell overboard and was rescued by a fisherman. He was buried under garbage and unburied by a dog. He traveled for a long time with the hoboes and worked for a short time as a scarecrow.

Once, there was a rabbit who loved a little girl and watched her die.

The rabbit danced on the streets of Memphis. His head was broken open in a diner and was put together again by a doll mender.

And the rabbit swore that he would not make the mistake of loving again.

Once there was a rabbit who danced in a garden in springtime with the daughter of the women who had loved him at the beginning of his journey. The girl swung the rabbit as she danced in circles. Sometimes, they went so fast, the two of them, that it seemed as if they were flying. Sometimes, it seemed as if they both had wings.

Once, oh marvelous once, there was a rabbit who found his way home.

Tennis

I was trying to think of a way to explain how a relationship (Note: when I use the word relationship I mean it in the sense of any interaction between two or more people, not just in the romantic sense) should be. Everyone says that you should be selfless in a relationship, but this really only works if both people are selfless and fulfill each others needs. So here is the analogy I thought up:

A relationship is like a game of tennis. As long as both people are hitting the ball back a forth to each other, you'll have a good time playing the game. But it gets boring if only one person is hitting the ball and the other one just hoards all of the balls on their court. It's not a game anymore, it's serving practice.

Just like a relationship. It isn't a relationship if one person is doing all the giving, and not receiving anything back. Sometimes the practice can be good for us, but not if we went into it hoping to play a game.

I just want to say that you shouldn't stay on the court, or in a relationship, where you aren't getting anything back. Especially if it's for a long period of time. Don't think that selflessness is so important that you should overlook things that you need. I'm not trying to tell you that selflessness is bad, because it isn't, but if both people in a relationship are being selfless, than you won't feel an emptiness because your needs are being met as much as the other person's. There might be small moments when you will be hitting the ball without getting it back, but there should also be times when you are getting the ball without hitting back.

I came to this realization just a short while ago. You, and I, deserve so much more! We deserve to play the game and even though it might take some time finding a good partner, we don't have to be stuck with a bad one. You can improve yourself without that. Just become the best you can, and keep looking, then the game will be AWESOME!

I love you all.

Check this Out!

I'll post a real blog later, because I've been thinking of one, but until I do, I think that you all should check out this blogpost. One day last year I was researching "single mormon girls" and I came across this blog written by older, single, mormon women. It has some great advice about dating, and how to make the most of your single years. The new post was something so amazing that I would like everyone to check it out!

Just go to singlemormongirl.wordpress.com and read the post entitled The Candy Drawer. It should be the first one on the page.

Enjoy and tell me what you think!

I love you all!

And, PS, while you are online, check out my story at vsfp.ctlbyu.org! It's called French with a Mistress.

It's Over

Isn't it amazing how two words can mean so many different things? For example, I am now saying "It's over!" in regards to October, Halloween, and the Presidential race. No more haunted houses, forests, and mazes, no more scary movies, no more fighting over politics. In this case there is a great connotation to the words "it's over." 

But "it's over" can carry a heavy weight of feelings. As in: a life is over, a friendship is over, an era is over. When these words are heard, it is as if all the world is carried in them. Sadness, relief, frustration, hurt, love, hate, all these things and more.

But they can also be used in a nonchalant, non caring way. Isn't it mind boggling that two words, in combination with voice, expression and event can have so many different meanings? And it isn't just the two "it's over"-- but many combinations or words, an infinite number of combinations all do the same thing. Even just one word. We were given a spoken language to do with as we would, but the words alone aren't good enough. There needs to be so much more put into words; an action to back them up, or an expression to give them meaning, a touch to show the truth. Language can be corrupted, but if we look past the words, that is where the true meaning lies.

There wasn't really anything prompting this post. I started writing without any purpose, and my brain guided my fingers. I love our language, but even I have started to realize that words can't do everything, and that words are sometimes deceiving. We can't rely on the words that are said as much as what isn't being said. 

I love you all.