The Choice of Femininity in Feminism

I work in an environment with quite a few self proclaimed feminists. Not a big deal, it's not like I'm not a sort of feminist myself (what woman isn't to some degree these days, right?). But there are times when I just really don't feel like I belong, or that I can't speak up with my opinions because I feel like I would have to make excuses for the way I am.

Here's the way I am. I believe that everyone should be treated with respect--no matter who they are, what sex they are, where they are from, what they believe. I don't think everyone should be treated exactly the same, however. I am a woman and I take pride in my femininity--I don't want to be treated like a man! I wouldn't treat two children exactly the same, or two friends. It would be like living in some weird version of Stepford, or like the world in A Wrinkle in Time where everyone does everything at exactly the same time as everyone else, and they live in the exact same house. People aren't carbon copies of each other, so why would we treat them as such? Anyway, tangent. Like I said, I take pride in being a woman. And mostly I'm a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to women's roles. I want to get married and be a mother. I don't want to work while I'm raising my kids, if it's possible. I'm going to add my husband's last name to my name (my idea is to just move my family name to a second middle name, so I'll have four names). I will probably cook and clean and do the laundry, preferably with my husband's help, but if he does all the yard work and maintenance around the house, I think that's a fair trade. I'm not much into sewing, though I have been learning a little. I don't mind wearing a skirt and high heels--I like looking nice, but I also like wearing sweats and t-shirts.

The thing is, I shouldn't have to make excuses or feel bad the way I am. The way I see it, isn't the whole point of feminism is that women have a choice. They can choose to be high powered business women, or they can choose to be stay at home moms who have all out craft rooms and make new recipes every day, or they can be sports fanatics and tomboys. We can be whoever we want to be, and we should never feel sorry for that.

I try to understand the thoughts and feelings of others (even if they may make me uncomfortable), and I would like to feel like I will be understood and respected for my thoughts and views of my femininity--the choice I made.

Being "My Age"

Next month I have a big birthday coming up. Quarter of a century. The big XXV. Yup, the last birthday where I pass through one more rite of adulthood (being able to rent a car): 25.

I have a thing about growing up. It's completely unavoidable. It's nature--you have to grow up. But I don't think that this means that just because we reach a certain age, say, 21, 25, 40, 65, means that we have to all of a sudden be all serious and only interested in "adult" things. I love Disney movies, and Disney pop. I like Doctor Who. I read teen fiction. I still have my childhood teddy bear. I like graphic tees. I love pointless movies and TV shows (you know, the ones that require no thought whatsoever, and you just laugh and laugh). There are definitely some times when you need to be a grown up and be serious. And I still like classic novels, and more serious movies. But I don't think we should stop having fun just because we are a certain age. But I don't like to be treated as if I'm a kid either.

The thing is, I still look like I'm 18. Everyone keeps telling me I'll appreciate my youthful face when I'm older--and I'm sure I will--but right now, it's a little it annoying. I've been thinking about it, and I really think that me looking 7 years younger than I am causes people to treat me as if I really were 18. I feel like I'm talked down too. Sometimes I feel like people are being condescending. And that kind of bothers me. I'm not some kid just going out into the world. I have a college degree, a job, an apartment, a car, a cell phone, insurance (all of which I paid/pay for myself), as well as bills to pay, food to buy, a budget to manage, etc. So, I definitely know about being a grown up.

Since I refuse to give up my teen fiction and Disney films, I have decided that maybe I should try to start looking my age more. This week, I decided that I am going to wear makeup everyday. Ugh. I like makeup, really, and I like experimenting and trying out new things, but at 7 o'clock in the morning, the last thing I want to be doing is trying to put my eyeliner on straight. But I'm doing it! Before I would just put on some concealer and blush and go out the door. So, that's one way I'm trying to look more my age. I've also curled my hair everyday today (as opposed to just blow drying it), and tomorrow I will be getting a haircut that I hope will help me look older (though I have this fear that it will make me look younger . . .).

I guess the thing is, I want to be treated like I'm a grown up, but I don't think I should have to give up things I like to be a grown up. Which is why I'm trying to look more my age, rather than 18 years old.

Review: Time Traveling Adventures

So, it seems that time traveling is sort of the new thing in YA fiction, considering I have read at least three books about time traveling--each with varying degrees of success. Here are the three that I have read:

First up, Timeless by Alexandra Monir.

This novel was okay. It's about a girl who finds a diary from 1910 and is transported back in time to meet her ancestor and a mysterious boy that has been haunting her dreams her whole life. The writing was so-so, and the plot a little predictable. The thing that really ruined this novel for me, though, was that it was the beginning of a series (probably a trilogy, because that seems to be the "thing" now. ::Sigh::), and it ended like it was the beginning of a trilogy, meaning there was no ending. And what really bothered me was that it could have been one book. It was only 280 pages--little short for it's target audience--and with some editing and cutting, and then adding 100 more pages, it probably would have been a pretty good book. It's kind of fun and cute, but I don't recommend it.

(Can I just go on a little rant about series? I would rather have ONE good book than three so-so books. But it seems like everyone is writing series now! If you are going to write a series, please make it so the books stand alone! It's so frustrating when you end in the middle of the story. It is only after I get connected to the characters and get comfortable with the prose that I become okay with there being cliff-hanger endings. Harry Potter is a good example of this. The first few books completed the story line for that book, and once everyone started loving it, no one cared how Rowling wrote them. Rick Riordan is another good example. Because I like the way he writes, I don't care that I have to wait so long for his next book to come out. I'm comfortable with his universe, and the characters, and even though there is a larger story arch throughout his books, each individual story line completes within it's own book. It's like a TV show--there maybe be an arch, but each episode [usually] contains a full storyline. Anyway, back to the reviews . . . )

Second, The Time-traveling Fashionista by Bianca Turetsky

This book was cute. It's a little younger (main character is 12, I think, so probably for 10 to 13 year olds). What I loved about this novel was the pictures. The girl goes back to 1912 and there are some beautiful drawings (done by a real fashion designer) of Edwardian clothes. It was one of those cute little novels that you read when you need a break from your "thinking" books. This was also the beginning of a series, but it was a stand alone book.

Third, Ruby Red by Kerstin Gier.

I loved this novel! It was originally written in German and has just recently been translated into English. This one is about a girl, living in London, who has a gene that makes it so she spontaneously transports back in time, except everyone thought her cousin had inherited it instead of her. So well written and translated! This is also the beginning of a trilogy, but this is done right. The book is so good that you want to read the rest, not because you just want to see how it ends, but because you want to get taken on the journey to the end. Good characters, great story, good read. It's intriguing and I am excited to finish this trilogy.

Taking the Bad with the Good

I like my job. I really do. I feel so blessed to be a part of such a wonderful project, and to associate with the people I do.

But sometimes, it drives me crazy!

This last week was kind of a difficult on at the Ol' JSPP. The entire week was working on one thing--checking the website. This is a completely repetitive task that involves little to no brain work. Basically, you are given a checklist, then you head on over to the JSP "ready" site and check links/images/pop-ups. In order to keep me from going utterly INSANE with the monotony, I had to resort to watching BBC period dramas* on YouTube. (I know, my life is so hard. I'm getting paid to watch some of my favorite movies.)

It wasn't until about Wednesday that things started to get really bad. Before that, my eyes would be exhausted from staring at a computer screen for 7 and 1/2 hours the whole day, and I'd have a bit of a headache, no big deal. Besides, I got a free donut on Tuesday. But on Wednesday, the ready site was down the entire morning, meaning we couldn't do any work on the site. When something is unpleasant, you just want to get it over with (besides the fact that I wanted to finish Northanger Abbey). Besides that, I don't like leaving things at work unfinished. I did have some other things to work on that morning and the site was up in the afternoon. The other interns, though, weren't there, which meant that the work was going pretty slow.

On Thursday the other interns were there, but other things had started popping up. The woman we were checking the site for wanted us to be done by Friday, something we thought was completely plausible. Then, another girl comes around with an assignment that she wanted done by Friday/Monday at the lasted. We finally agreed that we would have to take the second assignment home and work on it there (because we both had a few extra hours during the week we hadn't used). The website was touchy at best and the entire JSP staff was off at the ADE conference in the afternoon. We tried to get as much done as we could and then I headed home, carrying half of a 600 page manuscript with me to work on when I got home. By this time I was getting a bad case of the jitterbugs, so I played the piano to release some of that pent up energy until dinnertime.

Friday was by far the worst day of the week. Everyone was gone to the conference, except a select few. The website was again being "bipolar" as two of my coworkers independently called it. At one point it said it would be down until Tuesday!! Fortunately it came back up and didn't give us anymore trouble the rest of the day. Then, we were given another project and since the website woman was at the conference, we were told to abandon the website for a while and work on this one. This is what was probably the hardest this week: everyone wanting us to work on their project. Everything seemed to have the same deadline and there were a few "discussions" about which was the most important--print or website. As interns, we just have to try to do what we're told without getting everyone mad at us. The only highlight of my day was watching Doctor Who at lunch time, a Friday tradition with some people I met that work in different departments. I stayed late to try to get done what I could, but even with Bleak House, there was only so much I could stand, meaning that I had to leave without the website check being completed. I was so exhausted. I didn't even read on the train ride home; I just couldn't bring myself to use my eyes for anything.

Have you ever been so tired that when all these negative/sad thoughts start pushing forward and all these emotions come bubbling up, you just don't have the energy to keep them at bay? That's how I felt when I finally reached Daybreak and got in my car to drive home. Some song (okay, Adele's "Someone Like You") came on the radio, which prompted some thoughts about something that had happened early that week, which prompted some other thoughts, which prompted some emotions and I just couldn't keep them at bay. I found myself driving with tears running down my face, and the antsy feeling that comes from doing the same thing for about 30 hours that week. I finally turned the radio off and came home. I went downstairs to change out of my skirt and found myself crying again for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Fortunately by the time I had gotten some food in me and was at a bookstore with my parents looking for the perfect book to buy with my mom's 25% discount, I was feeling much better.

I have been thinking about something lately, though. I think that I would rather take the hard times with the good, then just having the good all the time. Without the hard times I wouldn't be who I am (for better or for worse) and the good times wouldn't seem quite so sweet. Without having had an awful day on Friday, going to the bookstore probably wouldn't have been such the sweet relief it ended up being.

*For those wondering, I have so far watched North and South, Persuasion (2005), Northanger Abbey, Little Dorrit, and have almost made it through Bleak House.

Banned Book Week 2011

Well, it's that time of year again! Banned Books for the win!

Here's my deal with "banning" and "challenging" books: It is taking a personal opinion and forcing it on others. That's just the short version.

I have nothing against someone choosing not to read a certain book. I do it all the time. I think that everyone should take care and research the media they subject themselves to, whether it be movies, TV, magazines, music, or books. I base my decisions concerning these things on my own personal belief system.

I also have nothing against a parent taking care to protect their children from age inappropriate topics.

But I do have something against someone saying that NO ONE should read/watch/listen to something. The best thing about this country is one of our most basic rights is the freedom of speech! No one should be able to say that something shouldn't be published or read, just because they don't agree with the subject matter.

In fact, I think that a lot of times parents (it is mostly parents who challenge books) are missing out on a great teaching opportunity. Not only can reading a book with a differing view than your own help you understand your beliefs better, but it can be used to open a conversation with your child about topics and situations that face them in the world. Communication is key in teaching your kids right from wrong.

As an illustration of this, let's take a look at the list of 50 Banned Books Everyone Should Read. Let's use The Bridge to Terabithia as an example. (If you haven't read this book or seen the movie and would like to, this next part will contain a major spoiler.) The biggest objection to this book is the theme of death (as well as the use of imagination to create a "magical" world). Death is something everyone has to deal with and I think this book is a beautiful example of how a someone can change your life and be a part of your life even when they are no longer on this earth. This is a great opportunity to talk to your child (or friends, parents, whatever) about your beliefs on death and how to handle death.

So, this week, read a challenged/banned book. Maybe pick one from the list I linked to. It's up to you what book you want to read, and I am not saying that I personally approve of every book on that list, but it isn't up to me. As for me, I'm going to be reading The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger.

Why is this Considered Romance?

I've never understood why people think that Jane Eyre is a romantic story.

A man who mocks you, who ignores you when his friends are around and then demands to know why you didn't talk to him is not romantic. A man who owes you money is not romantic. A man who makes you think he is marrying another woman just to see if you'll get jealous is not romantic. A man who tricks you into a sham of a marriage when he is already married and is hiding his insane wife in the attic, and then when you find out about the insane wife, tries to convince you to live with him in sin though it goes against everything you believe is not romantic.

A man who sleeps around and doesn't like children, not even the child who may or may not be his is not romantic. A man who lies to and takes advantage of other people is not romantic. A man who takes advantages of a young girl's vulnerabilities is not romantic. A man who is vain enough to think that he can do all these things and still get you to love him is not romantic.

Romance this is not.

The Life and Times of a Single Adult: Unfair

You know what is totally unfair? That people who are getting married get all these gifts to help them set up their home and whatever.

Okay, so I understand that getting married deserves presents and they should be helped out a bit by getting plates, sheets, and small appliances. But, it is immensely unfair to all of us single people!

I'm going to be graduating and going out into the real world; hopefully getting my own place sometime in the near future. I will be setting up my home, but do I get any help? Noooo. And you know why? Because I'm not getting married. I have to buy my plates, sheets, and small appliances myself. Why should I miss out on having nice things just because I'm single?

I'm just saying, it's unfair.

A Bit of a Rant . . .

We had stake conference this last Sunday. The theme of the conference was on developing righteous habits, and most of the talks were very good--about reading the scriptures, being kind, etc. There was one talk that kind of rubbed me the wrong way though. A member of the stake presidency talked about dating.

First off, dating talks are a little hard to take when all you ever hear about at BYU is dating and getting married and if you are the last member of your freshman ward to get married, there is obviously something VERY wrong with you. I had a hard time with this talk because the counselor didn't even give attention to the fact that dating might be difficult for some people, or that it's just not the right time for someone to date. Or that some people will be single for many years of their lives. It was all "date now, get married now, and if you don't, you'll be cast to the lowest part of the celestial kingdom no matter what you do." And I have a problem with that.

When discussing this talk with someone in my ward, he said something to the effect of "well, you don't have to worry about it. You'll get married." As if that's why I had the problem. (Which, sometimes it does feel like I'll never get married, or get married when I'm older, but I don't say this to get reinforcement, I say it because it could very possibly be true. No one ever knows when or if they are going to get married unless they are already engaged and even then it's not a certainty until you say "yes" across the altar. But I digress.) He also said that he felt that the talk was more directed toward the priesthood holders than the women.

I guess that after having listened to President Uchtdorf's CES fireside I just can't see why someone would talk about dating without also acknowledging single members and what they can do with their lives. While everyone should listen to the fireside because it was amazing (let's face it, every talk Pres. Uchtdorf gives is amazing) here is just a little bit that I really enjoyed:

In the meantime, do not wait for someone else to make your life complete. Stop second guessing yourself and wondering if you are defective. Instead, seek to reach out to your potential as a child of God. Seek learning, become engaged in a meaningful career and seek fulfillment in service to others. Use your time, your talents, your resources, to improve yourself and bless those around you. All of this is part of your preparation for having a family…The great purpose of this mortal existence is to learn to fully love our Heavenly Father and our neighbor as ourselves. If we do this with all our might, mind, and strength our eternal destiny will be glorious and grand beyond our capacity to imagine. Be faithful, and things will work out for you. That is His eternal promise to all who love and honor him.”

I love that he gives us advice on how to live our lives as a single person. It shouldn't just be us trying to get married, but we should be using our talents and finding a career and doing things. Learning and growing and becoming better people and trusting in God.

In my opinion, every talk on dating should include a section on what to do when you are single--without mentioning that we should be looking for someone to date and get married to.

Free Write: Valentine's Day

I suppose that in the spirit of this so called “Holiday” which approaches us, I should do something dealing with love for my free write this week. Hmm...this is a hard one—I’m not much of a fan. Of course, I could always take the opposite point of view and talk about the tragedy of love, or as Sam put it in “Love Actually” the “total agony of being in love.”

Love isn’t really all about agony and tragedy—and even when it is, who doesn’t need a little agony and tragedy in life anyway? “A girl likes to be crossed in love now and then.” You should know where that’s from. But I don’t think that a day like Valentine’s day is really going to help any relationship flourish. All Saint Valentine really did before he became a martyr was to hold a feast of lover’s on February 14. And even then, the tradition of Valentine’s Day wasn’t started until Chaucer wrote about it in his book “Parliament of Foules.” There is no great tradition about the day; no reason, religious or otherwise, to celebrate it. All it does is give everyone a reason to spend money, get dressed up, and show off what a great catch they got.

I suppose I’m being a little too hard on the day. It’s a nice thought. A day to celebrate the love in your life. But when you’re the one celebrating a carton of ice cream, it’s a little hard to see the beauty of such a thing. Of course, ice cream can be a very attractive date. It just seems to me that everyday should be a celebration of love; that really, going out on Valentine’s doesn’t seem any different than going out any other time. Maybe you choose a more expensive restaurant or buy some roses. As for me, I think I’d rather get a bouquet of daisies unexpectedly, than a dozen roses on a day when everyone else is getting roses too.

Even though I say all of this, the truth of the matter is, I would not say no to a date and flowers from a hot guy that I’m in love with. Oh well, maybe next year.