"I was never meant to fight on my own"

On My Own by Ashes Remain

There's gotta be another way out
I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt
I've tried forever getting out on my own.
But every time I do this my way
I get caught in the lies of the enemy
I lay my troubles down,
I'm ready for you now.

CHORUS:
Bring me out
Come and find me in the dark now
Everyday by myself I'm breaking down
I don't want to fight alone anymore
Bring me out
from the prison of my own pride
My God, I need a hope I can't deny
In the end I'm realizing
I was never meant to fight on my own.

Every little thing that I've known
is everything I need to let go.
You're so much bigger than the world I have made.
So I surrender my soul,
I'm reaching out for your hope
I lay my weapons down
I'm ready for you now.

CHORUS

I don't want to be incomplete
I remember what you said to me
I don't have to fight alone

CHORUS

This was my 300 post!

We all have bad days

There's this girl I know and I read her blog. And sometimes, I get really jealous of her. There are times when I feel like she has everything that I have always wanted: a good husband, a spot in the MFA program I want to do if I ever get enough money, a baby on the way. I hate that I get so jealous, because she's really great and I think she's an amazing and admirable person.

And then, in my height of jealousy, she'll post something on her blog (as she did today) that helps me realize that her life isn't perfect and she goes through hard times too. It's not that I rejoice in her misfortunes, because it hurts me to hear that something bad is happening in her life, but it makes my heart lighter to know that she isn't perfect, just like me.

I think that this is something that we all go through. We check our facebook or read someone's blog, and it seems like everything is going great for everyone else. This person gets a great job, this person is on an amazing vacation, this guy just got engaged, this girl is having a baby. All we ever see are the amazing things in people's lives, and then we look at our own and wonder what's wrong with us. "Why am I stuck in a dead end job?" We might ask ourselves. "I've never been anywhere cool. I haven't been on a date in three years. I'm still living with my parents."

I know this observation isn't anything new. There's been news articles about once every three months about how there is a rise in depression because of facebook. But I guess what I'm thinking is, sometimes it's okay to let people know that something didn't go right. You don't have to post only bad things--that's going to the extreme in the other direction--but just to let people know that you run into parked cars too sometimes. Or the thought of going to your high school reunion makes you scared because you're certain you will be the only single person left in your class. You don't always need to plaster a smile on your face.

That's something that I try to do with this blog. I try to be positive when I tell stories about my struggles, but I feel like it's important to let people know that I make mistakes. I make mistakes a lot. I'm a mistake maker. But I also sometimes do awesome things and I want to share that too! So, maybe, the 39 people who read this blog will come to it and realize that they aren't alone when their car breaks down, or a customer at work yelled at them, or they just had the kind of day that only ice cream and a tear-jerker movie can fix.

I've always said that if I could make a difference in one life, I would feel that my life was complete. I hope that maybe this little personal blog, sometime, for someone, somewhere, can make a difference somehow.

Here's a new song I discovered. Remember, we all have something to share.

Vocal Point Live

I love live music. I love feeling the energy from the audience around me. I love how the music seems to get into your soul until your heart beats along with it. I love the stinging hands from clapping too much, I love my cheeks hurting from smiling too much. It's so fun!

The only problem is, I don't go to live concerts very often. Mostly it's the money issue, but it's also that if I'm going to go and spend that money, I want to be uplifted, not brought down. I want to have a good time. That's why Vocal Point's concert was amazing!

I don't think I have had so much fun since I went to see Josh Groban last August. (And y'all know I love me some Josh!) Though, you can't really compare they two. They truly are separate but equal. (I mean, one's Josh Groban, and the other is an a capella group. You can't compare a solo vocalist with a group of 9 nine guys, no matter how amazing they both are.) The energy was perfect, and I felt that it was such a good mix of fun, exciting songs, and slower, moving songs. I'm not one of those people that keep track of set lists, but here is another blog that gives the complete VP set list for this concert.

I really enjoyed the entire experience. As for favorite parts (now that I've had time to come off the adrenaline high and process the entire experience): "Dare You to Move" (great arrangement. I cried.), Tanner's percussionist solo, Robert's bass Elmo, and 12 Days of Christmas (I don't usually condone Christmas music before Thanksgiving and after New Year's, but this was so funny, I made an exception). Mom enjoyed "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul." Neil liked "No Not Much." Dad's favorite was also "Savior" and "You Really Got Me" (because it's the Kinks).

What I really enjoyed was that this was something I could go to with my parents and we could all have a good time. I'm proud that the members of Vocal Point know that they don't have to compromise their standards in order to appeal to the masses. They are very good entertainers and I wish I hadn't been so lame when I was at BYU and had taken advantage of more plays and concerts.

It's the Little Things

Today was a great day! And you know what made it so fantastic? The small things that happened today.

Small Thing #1: Getting European Chocolate

A coworker spent the last week in Rome (was I jealous? Oh, just a lot.) and just came back to work today. Besides being able to hear about wonderful Rome, she brought a Kinder Bueno bar for me and the rest of us! I LOVE Bueno bars!

Small Thing #2: Talking to Cute Little Kids

As I walked off the elevator on my way out the door to go home this afternoon, I saw two little red-headed boys (they looked like twins) standing on the other side of the security gates. As I beeped myself through, I saw them shaking their hands in the air. "We've got magic in our hands," one of them says to me. "Do you?" I reply. "What are you doing with the magic?" One little boy touches the metal of the security gates, "When we touch this, it opens!" The security guard had been playing with them by opening the gates when they touched them! They were so adorable, I just had to smile!

Small Thing #3: Reading the Same Book as Someone Else

While I wait for my second train to come (I have to transfer), I usually sit on a planter, reading and swinging my legs like a little girl. It's the start of me being able to block out the rest of the world and relax from the work day a little bit. I had pulled my hood over my head, my scarf over my nose, and sat hunched up against the cold and curled toward my book. I don't usually pay attention to others around me, just the trains as they go by so I don't miss mine. Today, a woman came up next to me and got a book out of her bag. Then, she leans forward and says, "I thought so! We're reading the same book!" I look up and she shows me her cover. Sure enough, it read The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley. "That doesn't happen often, does it? And it's an older book; my favorite!" Though I didn't say anything, just smiled, and we went back to reading our books, it was kind of like we had this little thing that connected us. It's nice to feel connected to other people. Sometimes.

Small Thing #4: Seeing Your Name in a Multinational Magazine

When I got home to an empty house (everyone else was at the temple), I walked in to find a big white envelope with my name on it from the LDS Church Magazines. Confused, I turn it over, run my finger under the flap and open it up. Inside was a magazine. I thought maybe it was the New Era, because of the three articles I had it in this month. But when I pulled it out, to my surprise it was the Liahona, the Church's multinational magazine. Still confused, but on my way to being excited, I opened up to the contents pages and look frantically for my name. And there it was: Whitney Hinckley!! Two of my articles had made it into the magazine! A magazine that is translated into tons of different languages and shipped all over the world! Full of excitement, I started hopping up and down and saying "Oh! Oh! Oh!" and turning around, looking for someone to share it with! But no one was home, so I raced downstairs, posted it on Facebook and then proceeded to put my energy to good use by have an impromptu dance party while making dinner. This dance party included songs like "Something That I Want" from Tangled, "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid, "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstell, "Down" by Jay Sean, "Get Back" by Demi Lovato, "What Dreams are Made of" from The Lizzie Maguire Movie, and, when I needed some cooling down, "Holiday" by the Kinks. I let my hair down (literally, I took my hair out of the braid I had it in), and may or may not have down some hand banging, jumping up and down, and singing as loud as I can (there was no one else home, remember?). I went crazier than I have in a while and it felt good.

I am so grateful for the little things that make life so great!

A Love Affair

At fourteen I fell in love.

It was early 2002. The world was gathering in Salt Lake City, and he came with it. He was 21, with unruly curls, expressive eyes, and the voice of an angel. It was love at first listen.

From that time on, I was hooked. Our moments together were short and far between, but sweet and special. His name?

Josh Groban.

I loved him in a time and place where “Mormon housewives” were considered his fanbase. But they just didn’t know him like I did.

His first tour to Utah was in 2004, and the tickets sold out in 10 minutes—leaving me without. I was determined the next time he came, I would have tickets to his show.

That was in 2007, during his Awake tour. I dragged my brother to Salt Lake with me. It was amazing. The voice, the energy.

Fast forward to yesterday. Probably one of the best days of my life so far! My mom offered to go with me to the concert this time. I was a little anxious, hoping that she would enjoy it.

We got up to Salt Lake at about 7:15, and waited in line to get in. There was some confusion because ESA did something really different with tickets. They have these things called “Flash Seats.” Basically, you buy the tickets online with a credit card, and when you get there, the ushers swipe your card and print off your seat information. Well, we weren’t sure at first if you were supposed to go to Will Call or what, but after asking about 4 different people, we (and the people in line behind us) figured it out and got in.

Because I was willing (and able) to spend a little more money this year, we had much better seats. Last time Josh came, we sat up high in the nosebleeds, but this year we were on the right side of the stage about 21 rows up. Someday, I will make it onto the floor seats. I don’t know how much they cost or how you get them, but someday, I will be there.

The opening act was a pianist named Elew. Amazing!! He didn’t use a bench, just spread his legs to support himself. He would put his hand inside the piano and pluck strings, or whatever. There was one song that sounded like there were drums being played because of how he was playing. I can’t even tell you how amazing this guy was. I don’t even think listening to his CD would really give you the full affect.

Elew played for 30 minutes, then we waited for another 30 minutes as the roadies set up the stage and all that.

Then his band came out. The only thing I can compare this to is an overture, like in a musical. We were all watching the main stage, and almost missed Josh coming out near the back to the floor stage. The first song he played was one that I’m pretty sure I had never heard before.

Then he played another and then he talked. The thing that I don’t think people know about Josh Groban is how funny he is. He sings these beautiful, classical-like songs in different language, but he’s actually really funny. And he has so much energy. It’s just a good show that he puts on.

The band (Josh called them his “Groband”) played “Live or Let Die,” which was awesome, and then Josh came out and played the drums. What can I say, he’s a multitalented guy. Then he did something else that was a little different. Before the show they gave out this number that you could text to ask Josh a question, then they picked a few and he answered them. They put a light on the section and had the person stand up. He only answered three, but they were pretty funny. The last one asked Josh if he could play some of Kanye West’s Tweets (I guess he did this on one of those late night talk shows I don’t watch). That was pretty entertaining.

I just loved being at the concert. Feeling the music vibrate in your chest, and seeing the songs you love performed live. There is something about it. Especially when songs mean something to you. When Josh performed “Higher Window,” I almost cried, because I was really paying attention to what the words meant to me.

He ended with inviting four people onto the stage with him. He wanted a couple that had been together for a long time, a single girl, and then Ethan, this little boy that Josh had talked to earlier in the show. Ethan was so cute! The bodyguard lifted him onto the stage and he ran straight back to the band and high fived every single one of them. Then Josh got these blow up couches for his guests to sit on, brought some water and milk. (Seriously. They brought out an entire gallon of milk.) The couple had been together for 39 years and it was the girl’s birthday. Josh sang happy birthday to her!

Then he sang a song about cheating. Haha. But it was “Broken Vow” which is beautiful.

He sang two encore songs, one by Neil Diamond called “Play Me,” and then “You Raise Me Up.”

Then I bought a t-shirt and Mom and I got on the train to go home. The train was packed! I was pressed up against this random old guy. The first stop after we get on, the train stopped really fast and everyone was thrown forward with a unison “whoa!”

We finally got home at one in the morning, tired, but even more in love than I already was.

Thanks Mom for going with me! I loved being able to share something I love with you. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

(I was going to put videos up, but I’m still trying to figure that out. I will do it later, I guess.)

Who Am I?

I love going to the theatre. There's an excitement as you walk in and see the gold leaf on the walls, the red velvet curtains hiding the stage. The chandelier glitters above you and all around you are the murmurs and conversations of the audience. The orchestra sits unseen, tuning their instruments and running scales.

You sit and take it all in, waiting with anticipation for the show to start. Then the lights dim and the music starts. The curtains are drawn back and you are transported to a different world. Shivers run down your spine as the characters start to sing.

I went to see one of the greatest musicals today; Les Miserables at the Capitol Theatre in Salt Lake. It was my first time seeing the original production (I had seen the school version when I was 16). What a beautiful and moving show! I was brought to tears many times, as I was transported to 19th century France, following the plight of Jean ValJean, a man who spends his life righting his wrongs, and running from the man who believes only in justice. It is a tale of mercy, love, redemption, and valor.

I came away singing.

If Life Were a Musical . . .

Here's a list of my some favorite movie musicals (before anyone gets on me about a certain musical not on this list [or a musical on this list], please note that it says movie musicals). This discludes (which I know isn't a word, but it should be) all Disney musicals (because I like most of them). The list would also be too long to list all of my favorite classic musicals with Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire and all them.

Singing in the Rain (1952)

Okay, this does have Gene Kelly in it, but it is the ultimate Gene Kelly musical! If I could only watch one Kelly movie for the rest of my (the horror!), it would be this one. Debbie Reynolds is beautiful in it. And it is so funny! Wonderful songs, wonderful dancing. Love it.

R&H's Cinderella (1957)

This is the very first R&H Cinderella. History lesson: This was written for TV, and this was a live broadcast--there was no dubbing, no going back and cutting. And I love Julie Andrews. She is beautiful, graceful, classy, and had a wonderful voice. The clip above is "My Own Little Corner," but if you watch all of it, you will see that her ball gown is far superior to any other R&H Cinderella, as is the rest of the musical. Unless, you know, you like the impossibility of the Brandy version, with a white king, a black queen, and an Asian prince.

My Fair Lady (1964)

Who doesn't love this musical? I do have to say, that I think Julie Andrews was cheated out of the part of Eliza, considering she played her on Broadway, but I do have a love for Audrey Hepburn. And Marni Nixon (who dubbed Audrey's singing) has a wonderful voice (you have also heard her voice in other movie musicals such as The King and I, and West Side Story).

The Sound of Music (1965)

Another Julie Andrews. What can I say? I just really like her. This is another movie that I think it is impossible not to love. Christopher Plummer is so handsome and has those beautiful bright blue eyes. The songs are wonderful, the scenery sublime, and the kids are just so darn cute. This is the ultimate love story.

Finian's Rainbow (1968)

This is a movie that most people don't know about, which is a shame. It has Fred Astaire in it (obviously an older Fred Astaire, not that that hampered his dancing at all), and Petula Clark. It is the story of an Irish man and his daughter "following the rainbow" to a small American town. The scene I linked to is one of my favorite songs, but it isn't a very good introduction to the movie, which I apologize for. Basically, just get the movie and watch it. It's very 70s, but has great music and a fun story (including leprechauns!)

Fiddler on the Roof (1971)

This scene was my favorite when I was little. I used to rewind the tape and watch it over and over again, driving my siblings crazy! This is a heartwarming, sometimes funny sometimes sad, story with beautiful music.

Slipper and the Rose (1976)

This is another not very well known musical, but one that I grew up watching. It is Cinderella, but my favorite thing about this movie is that it doesn't end with finding Cinderella, it goes beyond that to the difficulty of the prince wanting to marry a servant girl. You will laugh at the King and the Dowager Queen, you will sigh with satisfaction when Cinderella and the prince first meet, and you will be singing the beautiful songs. My favorite song is "Tell Him," sung by Cinderella. It's a wonderful version of the Cinderella tale. (BTW, the costumes are gorgeous!)

Moulin Rouge (2001)

Let's skip several decades and get to the 2000s. Moulin Rouge. It's a slightly risque film, as well as being bizarre, but the integration of contemporary songs is great, and the love story is beautiful. The song I linked to is "Roxanne." Basically I just love that they made Roxanne a tango.

Hairspray (2007)

The reason I linked to this scene in Hairspray is because I think the words are so hilarious! "Nice WHITE kids," and "He's Corny!" Hairspray is fun and colorful, with catchy music, and a great cast.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog (2008)

Okay, Joss Whedon is a genius. I love his work and this is no exception. This is the story of super villain, Dr. Horrible, the girl he loves, Penny, and his arch nemesis, Captain Hammer. It's completely ridiculous, but you will love it. The song I linked to is a song that I used to sing every time I did laundry in my apartment's laundry room. "Underthings, tumbling."

Anyway, there you go. Hopefully you have been introduced to some movie musicals you haven't seen before. Go watch them! You won't regret it, I swear!

Josh Groban

Yeah, I'm totally going to it. :)

Week of Giving Thanks, pt. 6: Music

You know that one song? The one that seems to describe your situation perfectly? You know how you love to listen to that song in your room, or sing aloud with it when no one is home? Or how about that one song that you just belt out in the shower? And those songs that you dance to in your room?

I love music. I have annoyed my family my whole life by singing just about every song I came across. My poor mother had to go through years of badly played piano and a couple years of my complaining how much I hated it. Then after I got over hating it, they all had to listen to me play it.

There is something about music and how it can reach the soul. It can make you happy, it can make you cry. It can make you think, dance, and laugh. Listening to music can make a tedious task slightly more bearable. It can make you feel closer to God and understand Him better.

I'm glad that my mom forced me to continue piano lessons. I'm so happy that she saw my love for singing and paid for my voice lessons. There is something about being able to possess a skill in music. No one can take it away from you. They can take away my piano, but I will always have my voice (though once they hear it they might give me the piano back! ;) ). I will always have the songs I have heard in my head.

Music makes life more interesting. Have you ever watched a movie that had absolutely no background music in it at all? It's boring. It is so hard to have an idea of what is really going on. Life may not have background music . . . well, not the kind of background music that starts up with no source whatsoever and lends dramatic interest to each situation. But, how about that really bad day when you just needed to listen to some Secondhand Serenade because they are just totally tear inducing? Or when there is that one guy and you're sure that you are in love with him and you just can't stop smiling and listening to "your song". Or you just need to scream it out and you put on some Metallica. Or it's a lazy, rainy day so you listen to some folksy music, like Microwave Jenny. We each create our own background music, and while it may not give us clues about life (like if something bad is coming in the future, or that person is "the one"), it does make it more interesting.

I'm very grateful to have music in my life; both in the form of artist's albums, and in my own fingers and voice.

Good Can Come from Bad

This week did not start out well.

I came off the weekend nursing a cold. On Monday my cold was almost better, but still there and I had developed a cough. Work was fine, but my class was so . . . can I say boring? Okay, boring. FHE was okay, we made pizza and watched Muppets Treasure Island. Overall, Monday wasn't too bad.

Tuesday was when I started getting down. My afternoon was spent working on a project, spending several hours on a computer doing what I find tedious design work. There is something about sitting in front of a computer for three hours that makes me feel irritated, bothered, and restless. Usually that feeling will go away in an hour or two after I finish, but on Tuesday I had to close at work and my bad mood just followed me. I was short with people and was glad when it ended.

The bad thing about working in the morning is that when you close the night before, you don't really have a break between being and work and going back to work--except sleep, which isn't really a break. So, my bad mood didn't truly go away. I did talk to my cashiers and was pleasant. Class was a work period, so at least I did something, but working with a group on a computer project is difficult and irritating, so I went home not feeling much better.

Once I got home, I immediately changed into my pajamas. This was because of two reasons: 1) It was laundry day and I wanted to wash the pants I was wearing, 2) pajamas are comforting. So I did my laundry, watched Glee and Raising Hope, and relaxed. I made dinner: yummy, warm, creamy hamburger stroganoff. Comfort food. I was feeling slightly better, but still sad and not very happy. Then there was a knock on the door.

It was one of my very best friends! She came by to sing with me because I had just gotten The Scarlet Pimpernel sheet music. I love that girl; the moment I saw her my mood was instantly lighter and as we sang beautiful music together I was genuinely happy. Who would have thought that one person could clear the cloud that had been three days above my head?

This morning something else made me happy. I received a call from the Church Office Building. I got some good news from them! It isn't official, so I'm not going to say anything else right now.

Anyway, sometimes good can come from bad.

PS A very happy birthday to my wonderful Mommy! Love you!

Summer

This is an Australian band that I discovered through my music professor (the girl is his niece). Love their music, so mellow and sweet, perfect summer music. Look up Microwave Jenny on YouTube or Facebook!

Quality TV

Okay, so I realize that Buffy the Vampire Slayer isn't, in general, the best television show ever made. But if you never watch it all the way through, there are three episodes that you should definitely watch:

Hush (Season 4, Episode 10)- an amazing non-use of dialogue

The Body (Season 5, Episode 16)- powerful and real, my roomie and I were in tears

Once More, With Feeling (Season 6, Episode 6)- fun use of musical elements

I think you'll enjoy them.

It's My Birthday Tomorrow

A Reminder . . . Hope I remember

It's the words, not really the music.

Keep your Hope

I know this is a little strange, but as I was playing Rock Band last night I got a little inspiration. We were playing All American Rejects' "Move Along," and in the verse it says

"When all you got to keep is strong

Move along, move along like I know you do

And even when your hope is gone

Move along, move along just to make it through."

It was like a message to me. "When your hope is gone, move along."

Sing a Sad Song

Dreams Do Come True