Jun 2, 2009


There is a guy who comes through my line at work every morning and asks a question. Not the same question, but a different question every morning. Yesterday his question was "What would you change about yourself if you could?"

I think what I would change the most about me isn't necessarily physical because I have come to terms with the way I look and how my body is--what I would change would be the way I am socially. Now, I don't think that I'm necessarily a socially inept person. I get along well at work and church. Mostly I just wish I was like the other girls that I see and associate with. While I'm a girly-girl in that I like to look good and I adore cute shoes and wear make-up, I could definitely work on a more girly personality.

That sounds like I want to be one of those girls who screech and giggle and throw themselves at every breathing male that crosses their path. This isn't so. I do wish that I could flirt. And I wish that I were comfortable in situations where I am surrounded by a lot of girls. But I'm private. I keep a lot to myself until I know someone very well. I'm very bad at comforting and having empathy over things that I know are a big deal to others, but just aren't to me. Sometimes I just wish that I were the girl people knocked on our door to talk to, and not just the last choice when no one else is home. This is turning into a pity party and it wasn't meant to be. Ah well, "Those who do not complain are never pitied."--Jane Austen. Though I hardly ever complain to anyone but my family, which is probably why I don't get the pity I sometimes feel I deserve.

Mostly I just wish that I wasn't as conserved as I am--that I was more able to join in a conversation. I just don't have the way of conversing with others that many of my peers seem to have. Basically, if I were in a Jane Austen novel I would be more the Darcy type of character than the Elizabeth. My roommate tried to make me feel better by saying that I had the best type of personality of all because it's not so outwardly shown, people need to get to know me to see it . . . but I can't help but wonder if people just aren't willing to get to know me because I don't show it.

Alas. The older I get the harder it seems to be social. I wonder why that it?

Anyway, what would you all change about yourself if you could?

1 comment:

  1. >>The older I get the harder it seems to be social. I wonder why that is?<<

    Because you get set in your ways. :D You have to practice being social/anti-social and the more you do of one, the harder it is to be the other.