New Job, a Week in Review

I'm so tired. What is it about starting something new that makes one exhausted?

I started my new job on Tuesday. Leading up to that day I was starting to have serious doubts about my ability to actually do the job I was hired to do. Does anyone else feel like that before starting a job? That you are going to completely fail? I had to remind myself of several things, including: that I'm a college graduate, I have three and a half years experience in my field, and I'm an intelligent person who can learn new things.

Everything was fine, once I got to work. As it always is. I spent the morning going through company standard operating procedures, then I got to work in the afternoon! The rest of the week has been me continuing on that work and basically settling in. The work is consuming, but to tell the truth, it can be a little boring. The company I work for is an e-learning website, and I've been going through the questions at the end of a computer certification course. There's nothing that makes you feel more stupid than editing something you don't understand. The thing is, you don't necessarily have to understand what you're reading in order to edit, but it's more interesting if you do. I have started picking up what certain words mean, etc., but it's not the most riveting of reads. But it's work, and it's in my field, and who knows, maybe I'll actually learn something.

At first I felt a little bit awkward. There are only four of us on the team, and it seemed strange to suddenly join such a small group of people--I wasn't quite sure how I would fit in. And then it was so quiet! It amazed me that no one took even ten minutes to have a conversation that wasn't about work. It blew my mind that someone could go eight hours, five days a week, and not ever have a conversation. My mind changed today when I had a pretty good conversation with two of my coworkers. I think I'm going to be okay. I guess I'll see in the coming weeks. It's good work, honest work, and I think I'm going to be able to do it just fine.

I just need some sleep first . . .

The Adventure of Getting a New Job

It's no secret that I've been needing to find a new job. I found out a year ago that my position was going to be downsized at my last job, and I've been looking on and off since then. Off because of the time needed to study for the GRE and apply to grad school (which, if you'll remember, I wasn't accepted too) and for general mental health. Looking for a job is a tiring and emotional process full of a lot of downs and not very many ups.

In this year I had only had one interview. One. In twelve months. I had also been invited to take two tests. So last Wednesday when I applied for two jobs that were miraculously in my field, I wasn't expecting to hear anything for a couple of days, if ever. Two hours after hitting "submit" on one of those jobs, I got a phone call. Which led to an interview the next day. At the end of which I was offered the position and asked to come back that afternoon to work for a few hours. 

I'm pretty sure I was in shock the entire weekend. 

I'm working on the production team of a company based in another state that makes training videos and materials. There are about four of us in the office--it's pretty tiny. When I officially start next week I will be an editorial assistant, mostly working with the questions at the end of the courses. I think. I totally understood it when it was explained to me but now I'm not so sure. 

What I'm doing for a few days this week is helping with the filming of some of the videos. This means I push the record button on the camera. College degrees, people! They come in handy!

Just kidding. I'm glad to be working in my field and having some money coming in instead having to use all my savings. That's a blessing. And you never know! I might actually like it here. Time will tell. 

I just want to thank everyone who have been supportive during the last year, who prayed for me, and helped me along my winding path. 

Week One of My Unemployment

I've made it through the first week of being unemployed. I'm not sure how much longer I'll have, or can take, but I'm attempting to keep myself busy.

This week I would wake up in the mornings around 6:30 or so (because I don't feel as much like a bum if I do that), take a shower, dress, and do my hair and make-up. I'd read my scriptures while eating breakfast and then sit out on the desk to write. Or pretend to write while actually finding new ways to distract myself . . . This is a problem, but I'm just going to keep trying and hopefully I can learn to write for a couple of hours at a time with minimum distractions.

The mornings have been gorgeous and the perfect temperature. If only it stayed 75 throughout the entire day.

Every day I picked a different room in the apartment to clean. And then I'd go at it with a vengeance! It kept me busy and made me feel like I was actually doing something, but I was glad when M came home from work because it's also been a little tough. By Tuesday I couldn't wait to go out and see my friends in a play--I felt like I had been stuck in a hot apartment and needed to be out and about (which was exactly true).

You know back in the post-war days when married women weren't allowed to work? What did they do all day?! If they didn't have kids, it must have gotten really lonely. Of course, they probably volunteered or had other women to do things with, but still. A house can only be so clean, right? I am in a different situation (besides the whole not being married thing) in that I can't even go out shopping or decorate my apartment. I can't afford to. I don't want to drive too much, because gas. So I'm left with what I can do in my hot apartment. And it's hot because M and I are kind of cheap--even more so with me out of a job at the moment. Turning on our air-conditioning doubles our electricity bill, so we don't like to do it. 

Anyway, I'm finding ways to keep myself occupied. I decided to work on my penmanship and ordered the Specerian Penmanship Theory book and copybooks. I hope it works! It's tough because I have to change how I hold my pen (I've been doing it wrong my entire life, which I knew, but now I'm changing it) and so my hand kind of cramps up because I'm not used to that and the motions I'm making. I'm still doing the job searching thing, and I'll probably start reading more (or working on my embroidery more while binge watching shows . . .).

June Book of the Month

Obviously, keeping up on the book of the month posts is a lot harder since I started my book review blog (new reviews go up every Monday!).

The book I'm recommended this month is Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography by Rob Lowe. This autobiography blew my mind several times through the reading of it. The people and situations that Lowe found himself in from a young age is just amazing (meeting Liza Minnelli when he was eight or so, being on the set of Star Wars, being neighbors to Martin Sheen . . .). And the behind the scenes look at 80s and 90s Hollywood is really fascinating.

Lowe writes truthfully, but without putting any blame on anyone. It's honest, heartfelt, and guileless. There are the ups and downs of his life from his roles to his sex tape scandal to going to rehab.

The "f" word is used fairly liberally.

And so began the days of my unemployment . . .

Yesterday was my last day of work until I get hired someplace else. I thought that yesterday would be harder than it was--not that it wasn't hard . . . perhaps I mean I thought it would be more emotional than it was. And as I was thinking this over I think it's because I had a year of emotions already: crying and anger and peace and doubt. The past six months went by really fast, and all of a sudden I was in my last three days and I didn't quite know what to do with myself.

I think the hardest part was that not everyone was aware that I was leaving, or if they were, they didn't know that it wasn't exactly my choice. Which means that I had to explain it a lot, and I wasn't really sure how. The second hardest part was that inevitable question: "What are you doing next?" To which the only answer I had was "I don't know." Someone asked me that and then sent me an email apologizing for it. I responded and said that it was no big deal, I knew that people just cared and wanted to know. I was surprised when I received a response back and she said that I had a really positive attitude.

Here's the thing: I don't really feel like I have a choice.

What is a bad attitude going to do? It's not going to help me find a job; it's not going to get my job back. That's not to say that I haven't ever had a bad attitude over this because I have. It's to be expected, it's part of the grieving process. But when people are curious and care about you, what is having a bad attitude going to do but push them away? There are times when I don't want to talk about it because lately it seems like that's all I ever talk about and nothing has changed, but if I politely tell someone that I don't want to talk about it, they understand.

Anyway, to keep myself occupied until I get a new job, I've been trying to come up with some things to keep me busy and occupied. Of course, I'll be cleaning and organizing, etc. (I joked yesterday that I'm basically becoming a housewife but without the other income . . .) I'll also be working on my writing, and I have this crazy idea about working on my penmanship. I've never really liked my handwriting and I guess after working with 19th century documents, I want to have a pretty script. I have this idea that I just want to be this fancy person--a cute little writing desk, fountain pens, leather journal, wax seal (this has come true--I got one from the editors for a farewell gift!), etc. Sooo, basically I want to be someone who lived before the 1940s (which is when the ballpoint pen was invented).

Anyway, here are to the days of my unemployment, may they not last long.

All That Can Happen

I was just sitting here on my couch, playing games and generally wasting time, when I started thinking about where I was last year. And I realized how much can change in 364 days--and how much can stay the same. In one way last June seemed a lifetime ago, and yet it also seems like it all just happened last week.

This time last June I was on my first solo vacation to Prince Edward Island. Everything seemed to be going pretty well. I had a job I loved, though only part time, but it would work while I was finding a more full time position. I had enough money to go on vacation which had never happened to me before. My roommate and I were getting along great. Everything seemed to be just as it should be.

Fast forward to today. I have 8 days in the next three weeks at my job, with, as of this post, no job lined up yet. I had gone through the whole process of applying for a graduate school with that ending with a rejection letter. Still loving M and living with her. And I am more confident--I mean I'm still shy, introverted, and a bit awkward, but I finally got some help with stuff going on with me and I feel better about myself and others around me. I've made some good memories this last year: becoming an aunt in July, going to my first con in April.

Life is really just a series of ups and downs. Okay, yes, so I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life at the moment, but while I've only been working three days a week I've been able to write a lot more (though I'm in the middle of a writer's block on my novel right now, but you know, it happens). My niece might be two states away, but I've got FaceTime to talk to her with. I was talking to someone in our ward a couple of weeks ago, we'll call him Trendsetter, and I mentioned a little bit about not getting into grad school and me losing my job. I'm pretty sure Trendsetter is one of those people who always sees the positive and he said, "So, you could do anything? That's really exciting."

At the moment, my brain was screaming out in anxiety, "No, it's really not!" When faced with everything, all I want is a narrower choice. When faced with everything, how can you even make a choice? Pretty sure I'm not the kind of person my friends and family would call "adventurous." I don't do things very spontaneously. I like to have some sort of plan. But, I guess, in a way . . . it is a little exciting. This past year I've had the opportunity to think over what it is I want to do--career wise mostly. Do I want to stay in editing, or do something else? What is it that I'm really passionate about? How do I want to spend up to 40 hours of my week? It's hard, and sometimes I feel even more confused than I ever had before, and sometimes I feel like I've made a decision only to have it change the next.

All in all, nothing is horrible or hopeless. I have my health, I have my family, and I have my faith. With those three things, I know I'll be okay.

May Book of the Month

Here I am again, writing the book of the month post late. I felt like May was so long this year--I feel like we should already be in the middle of June, instead of just at the beginning. Oh well, I'm glad we're not because that means I still have a job for four more weeks!

This month's book is The 57 Lives of Alex Wayfare by MG Buerlen. It involves time travel, evil scientists, reincarnation, and, of course, an attractive boy. Alex has experienced strange dreams throughout her life--dreams in which she actually feels and experiences certain things, like the starving time in colonial America. Then she meets a man who says that they aren't just dreams, but her past lives, which she can travel into at anytime.

I love a good time travel book. The characters are interesting, the plot easy to follow while still giving twists and turns, and the conclusion actually an end without it being all tied up nicely. I don't have a full review up on my other blog yet, but it will be up next Monday.