Togetherness

This might come across as kind of weird for some people, but one of the things I like the most is when I am comfortable enough with another person that we can be in the same room with each other and not feel the need to talk to each other.

I know, sounds really weird.

But think about it. You know that you really feel comfortable around someone when you don't feel the need to fill up the silence, or when you don't feel uncomfortable with silence. It's the best feeling in the world to just be with someone.

Last night, M was working on one of her final papers on one edge of the couch, and I was lying on the other part catching up on my reading (now that I don't have to study for the GRE anymore, I've been able to read four books already this month!). And we just stayed like that for an hour or more. If we came across something interesting, we'd share it with the other, but for the most part we sat in companionable silence. It was great.

This happened last year with my parents last year, too. We had the fireplace going and we all just read our respective books, enjoying being together in such a close and relaxed way.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy conversation with the people I love (and, you know, other people that I like too), because I do. I like talking to M about our days and sharing funny things. I LOVE talking to my mom. This is also not to say that I don't enjoy doing other things with people. I like watching movies, and sharing in on our likes and dislikes.

But there is something to be said for moments of quiet contented silence with someone you enjoy spending time with. It's a different kind of togetherness. It's relaxed, and calm. And it's moments like that when you feel that you really understand someone, and that person really understands you. Being together in that kind of situation seems to bring people closer in some way.

I hope that in my future I find someone who I feel comfortable sitting in silence with, as well as talking to them.

A Glance into the Past

I was watching Ramona and Beezus tonight (crying fest!) and there is a scene where Ramona gets her own room for the first time and she's really excited. Then Beezus comes in and tells Ramona about how scared she's going to be, sleeping in a room by herself in the dark. And it reminded me of something from my childhood. So, let's get in the TARDIS and head back to 1998.

Vworp vworp vworp

Up until I was 10, I shared a room with Sis. Our room was pretty big, and for most of the time we shared it, we had twin beds. If I ever got scared, I'd walk across the room and get into Sis's bed, though I always had to be on the side of the bed against the wall, which meant I usually got squished. For about a year before I got my own room, we had a queen bed that we shared. Sis spreads out a LOT when she sleeps, so I usually ended up in a ball on the edge of the bed.

So, when it came time to get my own room, I was pretty excited! We had just built an extension onto the back of the garage for my dad's shop, which meant that the room that used to be the shop became my bedroom. The door opened into the sink section of the bathroom, and there was no carpet, and just enough room for a twin bed, but it was going to be mine. (It's strange, I just realized that I still dream about this room, as if it's still my bedroom, even though I haven't lived in that house--or even been in it--for 9 years.) Anyway, I don't remember how it all went down, but I do remember being slightly scared when it came down to it.

If you've spent your entire life sleeping in a room with another person, and being scared of the dark, going into a room all by yourself is kind of scary! So Bro and Sis agreed to sleep on the floor of my room (my hard concrete floor with only a braided rug for a cushion) the first two nights.

It's kind of nice to know that your family is always there to sleep on your floor when you need them.

The GRE

As you all know, I spent November studying for the GRE. I did take a break or two for social activities, including the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary! For a geek like me, it was Christmas a month early. But a lot of my time not at work was taken up by studying, learning new things, taking practice tests, then going over the practice tests (which usually included another person for the math). It was a busy month, with not enough reading time. Something I learned, though, is that I'm feeling pretty serious about grad school--if I weren't, I would have given up part way through the month.

Tuesday morning I took the test. It was a really rough morning. Have you ever been walking along, fine as can be, and then you just run into a wall unexpectedly? And you can't see anyway around, over, under, or through that wall? And besides that, you don't feel very good because you just smacked into a wall? Well, that's kind of how I felt the morning of the GRE. 

I had felt fine the day before, and slept well that night. But I hit the wall as I was getting ready to go. Roommate M was driving me since the test was taking place at the university she attends, and she was heaven sent. She talked me into getting out of the car (with some help from a phone call to my mom) and taking the test. And, boy, am I glad she did!

The whole test taking experience is kind of surreal--I know I did it, but I don't really feel as if I did. M walked me to the testing center--which was good because I never would have found it on my own--and figuratively held my hand through the sign in process. Then I signed in and had to read and sign a confidentiality agreement, where I had to copy a paragraph into cursive. I haven't written that much in cursive since I was in elementary school! And they don't even teach cursive anymore, so that's going to have to change soon. Anyway, I went in, they signed me in on the computer and took my picture, which was lovely (/sarcasm). I had to take my watch off, even though it isn't digital, and then I had to stand while they waved a metal detector wand over me. They also asked to see my wrists, which reminded me of Mulan, when she goes to the matchmakers and she has notes written on her arm. 

Then I went in and got started!

Two hours later I had a quick break and about an hour and a half after that I finished. You get your scores immediately, and I was surprised that I hadn't done that bad--considering the wall that morning. I did slightly better than I had on my practice tests (I always ended up with the same scores on allof my practice tests), and my verbal was above average and my math just below. I finished early (I've always been a fast test taker, which is good and bad), and M wasn't back yet to get me, so I just sat and watch the snow fall. I was exhausted! In fact, it took about two days for me to recover, which is why I'm writing about it now instead of yesterday. 

I went to work for about five hours, which made me even more exhausted. So I recovered by lying on the couch and watching Holiday Inn that night. Nothing like some Astaire and Crosby to help a person feel better. :)

I just want to give a shout out to everyone who was so supportive the past month and who sent prayers my way on Tuesday--I needed it more than I knew when I asked for it. 

November Book of the Month

Before I begin, here's an update from last week's book of the month. I read the second book, which used a lot more bad language than the first. That's just something that I'm not comfortable with, so I probably won't be reading any more in the series.

As I mentioned in my last post, I spent most of my spare time studying for the GRE, which resulted in me not only not having a lot of time to read, but also in not having any time to write any more posts on my blog. It will all be over on Tuesday though, and then I just need to finish my grad school application and I can "relax" and wait. Sigh.

This month's book of the month is The Amaranth Enchantment by Julie Berry. This story is a bit of a Cinderella retelling, but I felt that Berry's approach and telling of it was so different that you didn't feel that you were reading the same fairytale that you know backward and forward. Amaranth follows Lucinda as a mysterious woman and a mysterious jewel appear one day in her uncle's goldsmith shop. When her uncle dies and her aunt turns her out into the street, Lucinda must rely on a witch, a thief, and a prince to help her to restore the fortune that was stolen from her when her parents died.

I love fairytales and fantasies, but it's hard to find well written ones. I was pleasantly surprised by this book and will probably read Berry's other book. Another mention is that it is published by my favorite publishing company (which probably shows what a nerd I am), Bloomsbury Press. I have never read a book printed by Bloomsbury that wasn't well written, well edited, and a good story. Take that as you may.

Happy reading!

October Book of the Month

I didn't read as many books last month, even though I realize that I still read more books than "normal" people do in a month. Instead of reading, I spent two weeks with Baby E (she's wonderful!), and then I decided to apply to grad school (ack!) which meant that a lot of my time has been taken up by the grad application. And this month time will be taken up by studying for the GRE. Sigh. Life never slows down.

Without any ado, here is this month's book.

Size 12 is Not Fat by Meg Cabot. Heather Wells was a teen pop sensation. Now she's an assistant director of a college dorm . . . excuse me, residence hall. Just three months on the job and a student dies. The police are certain it was an accident, but Heather isn't so sure. With the help of her ex's brother, Heather sets out to prove it was murder.

This is the first book in the Heather Wells series, and I liked it well enough to get the second one. Heather is a fun character--a little ditzy, but with heart and a love of food. There are interesting secondary characters, and the plot is good. There is also very minimal swearing and sexual references. I like a good murder mystery (which is probably the cause of half of all my strange dreams), and this was a good one.

Read a good book this November! It's a great alternative to going out in the cold!

Letters of Intent

I'm applying for grad school right now. It's a little stressful, but exciting at the same time. I'm hoping that in the next couple of months everything comes together, I do well on the GRE, and I have everything turned in by the deadline. The thing I'm not looking forward to writing is my letter of intent. I'm just not good talking about myself in a professional way (I really have no idea what that says about me . . .), so I thought I would write what I wish I could say here on my blog to maybe get it out of my system, and then I can write a professional letter to send to the University.

Dear Admissions Board,
Yo, I like to write, let me into your program.

Okay, okay, that's probably not the best way to phrase it, even for this kind of thing.

Dear Admissions Board, 

I love stories. I love stories told in the form of art, music, movies, theatre, and dance, but mostly, I love stories told by the written word.  

From a very young age, I started creating stories in my head. At first I used books and stories that I already knew, and I would insert myself into them as a character. As I got older, I started writing things down: character bios, lineage, even a few sentences. I started creating my own little stories, spending Sunday afternoons writing them down in notebooks, on the computer, or on loose pages of notebook paper. Some of these stories I submitted to my elementary school's "Reflections" contests, and then later to my high school's literary magazine, Tabula Rasa, where I was also the prose editor my senior year. 

Sometimes I would forget how good writing would make me feel, until I would stay up late at night writing down my ideas, or pieces of stories. Once I got to university, I became an English major because I wanted to learn about more stories. And I did! Diverse stories that I never thought of reading before. I started deciding for myself what I liked about different types of story telling, and I branched out in how I read. Even when my schoolwork became overwhelming, I always made time for personal reading, because, like Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird, "until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing." Stories are like breathing to me--an essential part of my life that I take for granted until they are not there anymore. 

While at university, I took two creative writing classes. The way these classes made me think about creating stories and characters, it was an eye-opening experience for me. And being able to get honest feedback, not just from a professor, but from my peers, that was something I had never experienced before. In my "Writing for Children and Adolescents" class, I heard from published authors who had written the kind of books I would like to write, to the audience I want to reach. I learned by trial and error, so different from the lecture and test routine I was used to. It was inspiring and challenging. It was hard.  

This is why I want to be accepted to your program. I want to learn even more how to tell the stories that are in my head, and to be able to grow stronger and more confident in my writing. In the three years I have been away from school, I have felt the lack of the learning environment in my life. I had been searching for knowledge through other means, which is satisfying in itself, but I have felt the desire to be back among my peers, sharing the learning experience with them. In my work as an editorial intern, and a part time worker, I have learned about telling different kinds of stories, and how to make them better. As I aspire to become an editor, I think it is important to know how writing works, to experience the kind of criticism that someday I may be giving. The most exciting thing about your program is that you encourage your MFA students to write the things they want to be writing. I want to make my career in young adult fiction, and learning to write it will help me in my career goals. 

Thank you for your consideration of me to the Creative Writing MFA. I hope that you can understand my passion for stories, and that I plan to bring that passion with me to your university.  

Sincerely, 

Whitney

That's better than the first, but still not what I think the admissions board is looking for. Guess I'll keep trying until I get it down pat.

Dreamland and Other News

These past two weeks I have been having some weird dreams. Have you ever had a series of dreams that are all related to each other? That even take place in the same "dreamland"? The majority of my dreams always did seem to take place in the same world my brain created, but not it has shifted to something much worse.

School.

Yes, I have been having school dreams. The school is a strange amalgam (sidebar: I love that word and try to use it whenever I can) of my high school and BYU. And for some reason I am taking art and math classes. But I can never find my classes, and I've forgotten my schedule, don't know my locker number or combination, and then there are all these people from high school or TV shows/movies I watch. Basically, they aren't the most comfortable of dreams.

Anyway, in other news.

I've decided to take the GRE. I'm looking into grad schools, but I haven't really decided if that's what I should do, but since the GRE lasts for a few years, I decided I should take it, and maybe even apply to a program or two and see what happens.

This has been about 6 months in coming. I received news that I would need to find a new job by the end of the year, which was heartbreaking but at the same time I knew that it is best for me. I'd been feeling for a while that I should start looking for a new job, but something would happen, and I would just brush the feeling away. But, here's the thing, Heavenly Father doesn't give up. In a way, I feel that everything that led up to me having to be let go (which no one really wanted that, but things happen and departments need to downsize) was really just God being like "Okay, Whitney, you wouldn't listen to me before, so now I'm forcing you into it. It's really for your own good." There was definitely some comfort in that, until I started looking for a job.

At first it seemed that I had a lot of options. I even applied for a great, entry-level position. But I kept getting turned down because other applicants had more experience and higher education. Which kind of got me started thinking about going back to school. And now I'm only coming across part-time jobs, even though I've broadened my search terms. The only thing I know is that I want to work with books, in some way or another; they are my passion.

This past week or two I've been thinking more and more about getting my MFA. Maybe it's because of these school dreams I've been having, or maybe because Roommate M has decided to go to grad school, but whatever it is, it's a different path I'm looking down. I feel as though the paths are dark and winding, and I have no idea of which I should go down or where they will lead. But maybe opening myself up to going down different paths, one will become more clear.

Growing up I never thought I would get my master's. That was back in the days when I thought I would be married at 21 and be having kids. My senior year of college, that thought changed. I found out about a creative writing MFA, and I became really interested in doing that. But even then I thought that I would do it once I had a job (hopefully one that would help pay for it), or maybe even years down the road. To be thinking about it at this stage in life is not what I was expecting, even though I know I should stop expecting things to happen when I think they should.

The good news is that my work has decided to keep me on (with reduced hours) until next June, or I find a job. I'm so grateful for them to be willing to help me and give me a lot of time to find something. They have even been working with me to sharpen my skills by giving me different tasks, and telling me about any job opportunities they know of. General Minion, my mentor, has even offered to help me on the GRE, and listens to me when I get down because I can't find a job. She was the one who proposed keeping me on for another 6 months, and she has sent me job listings I qualify for. It's been stressful, and it's been hard, and sometimes it makes me wonder about my talents and whether or not I have what it takes, but there are so many people in my life who are there to support me and to give me encouragement. Everyone goes through this at least once, right? It's just my turn and I know things will be better for it--if only I knew when!