Mar 4, 2011

Vampires in the Closet

I don't remember being the kind of kid who had her parents check under the bed and in the closet for monsters. I think I was scared of witches for, like, a day after I had a bad dream about them. And I once asked my mom if anyone had died in our house because I was scared of it being haunted. There was also a time when I was a little afraid of burglars (funny story, I used to try to make myself as small as I could in my bed so that if burglars ever did get in our house, maybe they wouldn't see me and kill me. I had a little too vivid of an imagination as a kid, but I digress). These weren't long lasting fears; usually a day, at most a week.

There was one time in my childhood, though, when I became terrified of something. Vampires. I don't know what it was, I don't even remember reading or seeing anything with vampires at that age. I had to have been between 5 and 7, and I just remember thinking that a vampire was going to sneak up on me, chomp their sharp teeth on my neck and suck my blood. Somehow, I even knew that vampires didn't have reflections, so in the bathroom while I was looking in the mirror, I would keep a hand behind my back in case a vampire came up behind me so I could feel them if they were there (because I also was certain that they could go through walls). I don't know how long this fear lasted--in my imperfect memory it was at least two months if not longer. I never told anyone about my fear of vampires, I just went through it alone.

This was a completely irrational fear. There are no such things as vampires (sorry Twihards, but it's true). I lived in fear of having my blood sucked and never talked to anyone who could have calmed my fear. Though I no longer have a fear of vampires, I find myself doing almost the exact same thing in other cases.

These are just as irrational fears as being scared of the big V. And yet, there they are, making me put my figurative arm behind my back as protection, all the while not sharing my fears with another person who could possibly help me calm them. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this problem too. What makes us so afraid of nonexistent things while not paying attention to the real things in our lives? And why don't we tell anyone?

I have learned a little bit that there is someone I can always rely on. I have knelt on my knees many times and described to my Father the fears I have of life's vampires. Sometimes it doesn't get rid of that fear, but it does give me the courage to put down my arm and go about my life with only a small fear in my brain. But by putting down my hand, I am able to see past my fear and face it.

We all have vampires in our lives. We just need to learn how to turn to our Father for help in calming that fear, and for the courage to face it.


  1. Is it just that I've been reading Harry Potter for the past two months non-stop, or did I just get an inside reference when you mentioned the Big V?!?!??!?!?

    P.s. Love your blog's design. So pretty!

  2. I think it's mainly pride, honestly. I always tell myself I'm a big girl and can take care of myself, I don't need to rely on someone else to handle my problems. The Lord didn't make me breakable... which is so ironic, because He helps more than anything. Fear might be a factor as well in some cases, but more being afraid to admit to a fear... so I suppose pride is in that, too.

    I hope you aren't having too many Vampires right nw. It's interesting, though, that even though they aren't real, they become real when we allow the fear to overtake us. Our fear becomes an the vampire. Perhaps you were right to be afraid of them.

    I love that you said Twihards. <3

  3. Egads, me gramhur and spelng r turible tonite. :)